Monday, August 01, 2005

...and now the unbearable heaviness

My office is in the Old Town area of Prague. We are right next to the Church of St Giles and I can see countless other churches from my window including St Vitus Cathedral up at the castle, and both St Nicholas and Our Lady of Týn on Old Town Square. Church bells gong on the quarter-hour and there is an extended ringing of bells at midday. I used to love the sound of the bells ringing, the depth, resonance and melody. But now for some reason the bells have started to sound ominous to me, sending chills through my body, as if heralding the onset of some great catastrophe.

I have been sad lately. My sadness makes me overly sensitive, intolerant, cranky and mean; yesterday I was an absolute bitch on the phone to my parents. I feel like I cannot help it, although Monkey says that’s nonsense and deep down I know he is right. But I am not ready to shake the sadness: it comes from a deep despair inspired by the state of the world and the evil of some of the people in it.

I am an American and proud to come from such a great country. But I despair that we have embarked on a downward spiral into martial law. Provisions of the Patriot Act, searches on the subway, anyone that looks dark and spooky being treated as suspicious, electronic tracking devices for people crossing the border from Canada, fingerprinting everyone who visits our country… What is next? The trend is ominous.

I am going to the US this month, flying over sometime between the 6th and the 16th. Monkey does not exactly try to talk me out of it, he merely drops small but frequent hints that I must be out of my mind to want to go to the US right now. I don’t really want to go but I have family commitments and feel I have to go, and I really need a holiday at any rate.

I wish this feeling of dread would go away; I am not comfortable with the heaviness.

6 comments:

Monkey's Max said...

Thanks, Skeeter, it's very good to get a perspective from the inside. But you are mistaken in that I don't watch much tv news at all (too boring), and in fact get most of my information from a wide enough range of sources to be able to determine for myself what might really be going on.

As for freedom in the Czech Republic - so far so good. I was just having lunch with the head of my firm and I was explaining to her that I feel a lot freer here than in the US. Of course that is down to internal factors as well as external.

Ludovic said...

Hey MM,
Don't let them get you down. Nothing can kill off all the good in the world because there is always wisdom and always innocence somewhere.
There might not be much of either down here, but its always safe to visit...
mejte se hezka ...I'm too tired to spell it correctly
love
Ludo

Anonymous said...

MM,

I understand how you feel. It is difficult for me to watch news programs from the USA without feeling completely depressed. FoxNews is like and endurance test. I can only manage about 3 minutes before I have to turn the channel. My mother always said that you never leave somewhere until you return once. I know that you have been back a couple of times and that the circumstances have changed. Still, family commitments are important and your life will be more difficult and guilt-ridden if you don't go.


Why not stop in Montreal and we can have a mini reunion with Chatsy and I can get my sister to drive me. It will be fun!!! Montreal is the best city in Canada to party in! Cute boys, cheap cocktails and poutine at 4:00 a.m.

se rappeler que vous êtes une femme merveilleuse!!!

un baiser français de toronto xxxooo

p.s. I am still learning so be kind if I got the above translation incorrect

AG said...

Breaking News from ABCNEWS.com:

PRESIDENT BUSH WILL APPOINT JOHN BOLTON AS U.S. AMBASSADOR TO U.N. TODAY

Monkey's Max said...

Ludo, thank you for your optimism. I seem to have run out.

TM, merci bien. Poutine - that just makes me laugh.

Asshole, you do not have to give away the secret that I come from a long line of drunks. But yes, I am totally looking forward to living in complete luxury (that I could never afford) at no cost to myself.

kd, nice one, I'll buy you a beer in about 90 mins.

Anonymous said...

MM TITS La Joie de vivre c'est a Montreal.

It's on the way to LA if you fly CSA...

Gonna shake things up in TO next week with Tits Malone...Malone Sister Gang meeting...