Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Get your kid out of my face - I’m not interested

A funny thing happens to people when they have children. First, they consider that their new baby is the centre of the universe and the most exciting thing ever. That’s great. But then some parents take that a step too far by forgetting that their baby is merely the centre of their universe, and other people just aren’t really interested.

I have been excited by a few babies in my lifetime: my own Little Sister, my nephews and my niece, and the babies of a few close friends. That’s it. Babies just don’t do it for me. I think they generally look like cabbages for about 6 months, and they don’t do anything even remotely entertaining for at least a year. I don’t ask other people if I can hold their babies, and I don’t stop to admire babies in their prams. I don’t volunteer to baby-sit and I don’t change diapers.

Today I saw a headline on the Huffington Post that said: “Mothers Protest Airlines with Nationwide Airport Nurse-In”. Cool, I thought, I like protests in airports, so I went on to read the Washington Post article: Mothers Rally to Back Breast-Feeding Rights.

In spite of my non-fascination with babies, I am all in favour of breastfeeding. So as I read the article, I was waiting to be offended on behalf of breastfeeding mothers everywhere. Imagine my surprise when I found myself instead offended by the mothers, and specifically by the breastfeeding mother who had been escorted off a plane, thereby inspiring the protests.

First, the “baby” she was breastfeeding was not a baby. The Washington Post story had said only “toddler”, but looking round I found the kid was 22 months old. Yuck. But more importantly, the flight attendant involved in the incident had not told the mother that she could not breastfeed, s/he had merely asked her to cover up.

I would have done the same.

The protesting ladies say that breastfeeding is “normal” and “natural”. So it is, ladies, but so are masturbation and having sex. We don’t participate in either of those activities on airplanes, now do we? Certainly not without covering up!

I do accept that breastfeeding is good for babies. And I guess some women like having their nipples sucked raw several times a day. I completely support the right of women to breastfeed on airplanes. BUT I DON’T WANT TO SEE IT!!!

I don’t care how natural it is, I don’t want to be forced to look at your brat sucking your tit. Okay? Got it? Go ahead and breastfeed, but cover up and be discreet. The rest of the world is not enthralled by your child or your bovine motherhood rites.

Thank you.


Tits Malone said...

I have a crazy breast-feeding story for you...

I was at a dinner party with friends...and we were in the livingroom having cocktails and idle chit-chat, when the toddler wandered out stood in front of his mother and said "tittie mommie!" When his mother wasn't fast enough, he flipped up her bra himself ...

What do you do at that point? Do you continue talking about Daniel Craig's abs?

I agree with you Max...while breast-feeding is a lovely, natural thing - I don't want to see it (especially when I have a martini in hand).

Anonymous said...

Max and Tits:

You both must have lived a very repressed childhood to be so up in arms. To be offended by a woman discreetly breastfeeding on a plane illustrates that you have some deeply buried issues with breasts. What is so offensive about a mother nourishing her baby (or toddler) with a body part that was naturally designed to produce human milk? The female breast is not a sexual object - you've been socialized to think that way by our prurient sexually repressed American culture. Plus, your ignorance on the matter is clear - pediatricians (they're the experts on the matter, NOT fools like you!)for the World Health Organization recommend that mothers brestfeed their babies for at least 2 years. I think it's great that a woman has been able to breastfeed her baby that long, what with all the forces that are against her in our closed-minded culture, including ignorant bloggers like yourself.

Mike from Pittsburgh

Monkey's Max said...

Hey Mike from Pittsburgh,

Your argument is shit. Neither TM nor I have anything against breastfeeding, or against breasts for that matter. And TM isn't even American. But breastfeeding is something between a woman and her baby, and I am not interested in the show. Exhibitionism is uncalled for in this context. That's all. I don't want to see it. If a woman wants to breastfeed in public, she should be discreet. It's not difficult - I have seen both of my sisters do it. These women who are protesting are just pissed off that the rest of the world isn't worshipping their stupid cabbage-faced babies. I don't have any patience for that.

Thanks for stopping by.

Anonymous A-Hole said...

I don't care what anyone says; I still like breasts.

As for 'Mike From Pittsburgh,' well, I almost don't know what to say. Who is this guy? Did he come here just for the tit talk? Tittsburgh? I think I've heard that one before.

Mike, buddy, lighten up. I think breastfeeding has enough defenders that a lone man from Pittsburgh shouldn't need to take up the cause.

A man discussing breastfeeding is sort of like a vegan discussing steak. And a man climbing atop a soap box to vehmently defend a woman's right to breastfeed her teenager (uh, sorry, toddler) is just plain weird. What do yo want to bet that Mike found this blog by searching under 'breastfeeding?' Now, seriously, how strange is that? Mike From Tittsburgh, methinks, is a fetishist of some kind. I've seen guys like you Mike, straining your eyes in an effort to sneak a peek at my wife's tit while she's trying to feed our baby. Don't think I don't see and pity you. If women are expected to cover up, or at least be discreet, how might a pathetic bastard like Mike possibly get his rocks off?

Monkey's Max said...

Asshole, you are spot on. Mike the tit fetishist did find this blog by searching "breastfeeding".

Anonymous said...

There are 360 degrees available to us. If you don't want to see a mother breastfeed her child, don't look.

As for comparing breastfeeding to masturbating and sex - there is nothing sexual about it. The reason human females have breasts is for nursing potential babies and it's about time to remember that and adjust our cultural views.

Last but not least, nursing a 22 months old is not yuck, it's well within range if children are not forcefully weaned. Plus it's a whole lot healthier than feeding a toddler another animal's milk, after all we don't turn into calf at one year of age.