Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Spackers Я Us

Last week I was checking my spelling of the word ‘spacker’ – I don’t remember why, and I came across a great big definition on wonderful Wikipedia. Here is an excerpt:

“Spaz” products

Many products in America use the word Spaz as part of their name because of the American connotation to energy and excitement.

A caffeinated lipbalm created by a police officer is called "SpazzStick."

An energy drink is called "Spazz Juice" and has a slogan, "all the energy you need to annoy everybody else."

"Spaz-Stix" is the company that produces high end remote control car/plane paints. If you want the most energetic exciting paints, you would purchase "Spaz-stix."

If you are in The America, you might not know why this is so funny, but the terms ‘spacker’ and ‘spaz’ are totally unacceptable in the UK – see Wiki for an explanation, the US/UK differences and how Tiger Woods got into trouble with an innocent comment: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spacker.

* * * * *

Last night at about 00.30, I was lying in my bed, wishing I could get comfortable and fall back to sleep. Suddenly I heard a ruckus in the hallway outside my flat. It sounded like someone was having a great deal of trouble getting into the flat next-door. I heard a key turning, I heard swearing, I heard a door being pounded. Then the noise stopped. Then it started again. When this happened the third or fourth time, I decided I would have to get up.

I opened my front door and saw an exasperated looking young woman. “Do you need some help?” She explained that she was locked out, that the landlord had installed a new bolt lock, had not given her a key because she is moving out in a few days, and told her not to use it. It seemed that somehow when she had left just a few minutes before to let some friends out downstairs, the lock had engaged itself and now she couldn’t get in.

“You’d better come into mine and we’ll ring the landlord.” His phone was off, as one might have expected in the middle of the night.

The young lady was very upset. “What am I going to do? My phone is inside, I have nothing on me, I need to pack.”

“Well, it looks like you are going to be sleeping on my couch.”

“Really? Are you sure? That is so nice.”

“Well, what else am I going to do? Leave you to sleep out in the hall?”

The young lady accepted a glass of water and the bedding that I gave her. We had a little chat and then she asked me if I had any contact lens solution. I gave her two shot glasses and her choice of tap or bottled water. Then she stayed up for hours reading my Vanity Fair magazines.

I gave her a cup of tea in the morning and then the landlord came over and rescued us both.


Tits Malone said...


You are forever saving people...bless

Monkey's Max said...

Yeah, right, TM. Don't tell me you can't remember the time I threw you out.

Anonymous said...

Hey monkey...

Can I sleep over and read your vanity fair mags?