Sunday, June 12, 2005

On dating women

I do not have extensive experience dating women and I have never been out with a real lesbian, but these are some of the things I have found that are different from going out with men:

• no first date nervousness - it’s like going out with any other friend;

• no expectations on either side about who should pay;

• you can go to your local together, and no one else realises you’re on a date;

• if you ask her to go home with you, she won’t think you’re a slut;

• she understands period pain;

• there are no “rules” – you can call her the next day;

• relatively effortless mutual understanding;

• you can talk about men you have been out with or are interested in;

• women are more sensual kissers;

• everything is soft to the touch (which clearly would not be a good thing with a man).

This is obviously not meant to be an exhaustive list, just the first few things that came to mind.


Devastatin' Dave said...

If you're the same size, you automatically double your wardrobe.

Monkey's Max said...

DD, I have already been given a dress.

In response to the comments I have already received off-blog (Jono, Miss Tits "Slutty" Malone, you know who you are):
NO! For the goddamn last time, I have not turned lesbian.

Monkey's Max said...

Sorry, Slutty, I forgot to mention that you were the very first girl I ever went to bed with. Ha ha - outed!

And please hurry up and get those Dublin cock stories up on your blog - I'll link you so all of my blog mates can read your stories too.

Gros bisous.

Riggs is Crazy said...

Typical comments from a woman that has never met the HiRolla. :)

Monkey's Max said...

Meaning what, Riggs?

Anonymous said...


Come on Max...details!!!

Riggs is Crazy said...

Meaning nothing, just mindless trash talk. It's still too early in the morning here for me to come up with anything of substance.

Monkey's Max said...

Thanks, Anon, I've been waiting for you.

Anonymous said...

Yi! I have been waiting to read those words for a long time...!!

Anonymous said...

Max admit you're a muff diver already!

Monkey's Max said...

Mad Canadian, I never said I wasn't if, by your definition, playing golf a few times makes you a golfer. By denying reports that I have become a lesbian, I am only asserting that I do not limit myself to, nor do I prefer, women. To quote you once again: "I like cock." It just so happens that I also like kd - she is lovely and really really smart.

Anonymous said...

I'm just winding you up. man you take this so seriously.
and damn I should start trademarking my quotes as I believe "I like cock" was prerecorded in front of an atm machine on na prikope at wee hours a few years ago with a certain UK lawyer who looks like one of the beatles. and if he didn't upgrade his phone he may still have it in there. and I am sorry but I have been saying "that's hot" before Paris Hilton was ever in the limelight. She stole my limelight! Bitch!