Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Pondering Midgets

Over the last couple of days I have been watching dvds of the first series of Little Britain, which is a tv show of comic sketches, and absolutely hilarious in a very weird British way.

Little Britain features midgets. They have appeared in at least 4 of the 7 episodes I have watched, maybe all 7 and I just haven’t noticed. If you blink you can miss them – they are very small. But really because one of the midget scenes was only about 5 seconds long, if that. The scene was a midget washing a shop-front window. That's it. But it was hilarious because the shop-front window was very tall and the midget was very small and did not have a ladder or anything and could only reach the bottom quarter of the window. Obviously visual humour, and therefore hard to write about, but so bloody funny.

In a couple of the episodes, the midgets were supposed to be children. In the first one, a man called his children and, at that point totally unexpected by the viewer, in ran two midgets, who then proceeded to skip around their “father” and each other, and it was fantastic.

I was writing an email to DD earlier about the Little Britain midgets (we all know how DD feels about midgets) when I decided the subject was bloggable. The aspect of midgets I have been pondering: I think they all look alike.

This thesis raises a lot of questions. Is it just that the same midgets are in films and on tv over and over? Or are they all really just very similar? I have definitely seen the two midgets who are in Little Britain before. Not surprising, except that they also look like oompah-loompahs (from the original film, obviously) and they must be too young to have been oompah-loompahs. How long do midgets live? Do they age unusually well? Are all midgets actors? Where is the dividing line between being a midget and just being very short?

41 comments:

Anonymous said...

All look alike...? Come on, they aren't Chinese or anything!

Riggs is Crazy said...

There is supposedly a midget village in my town. My roommate and I have spent hours driving around trying to find it, but to no avail. Must be urban legend. Think how great of a find it would be though. Little houses with little doors. A little slice of heaven. The only thing more funny than midgets are monkies.

Sinister Steve said...

You guys are weak and searching for a way to boost your ratings. Midgets and monkies, no shit. Everyone loves midgets and monkies. Next topic.

Dave said...

Max,

If I'm not mistaken, Kafka's house by the Cathedral(?)was pretty small. Almost of midget proportions.

Max said...

DD, you are right. The house is in Zlatá ulička (Golden Lane) in the castle complex, not far from St Vitus Cathedral.

The sign on the house says that Kafka lived there, but he did not. He and his sister both lived with their parents. His sister rented the house for meetings with her lover; Kafka went there to write (presumably when his sister and her lover were not there).

All of the houses in Zlatá ulička are of miniature proportions - almost like a midget village, but not quite.

Max said...

Monkeys! The plural of monkey is monkeys.

My Monkey is on holiday in Portugal and I miss him.

Celinka Dionova said...

It's funny because two summers ago, my first summer back, I kept running into midgets. I knew this one midget from the local bar I went to after work and he was hitting on me. When I told him I wasn't interested he pulled the "you feel sorry for me cause I am a midget" crap. My response was "actually it's not your size it's your shitty whiny attitude and lack of confidence that turns me off, I am a 6 foot tall outspoken blonde and you can bet I intimidate the shit out of men. I am self concious about my height at times, in which case I don't wear high heels very often ( and because I tend to fall over in them). I'll date shorter men but not if they suffer from "short man complex" which usually turns them into negative bitter angry short men who yell at me (such as the Policman I met at mu university Homecoming last fall)." After the midget from the bar, I kept running into other little people it was the weirdest thing. I met three of them. The drunken ass at the bar was the only one who made his height an issue.
I once saw an episode of Fat Actress where Kirsty Alley decides to make friends with 'midgets'. I forget why or the premise of this particular episode and the only episode I have seen. These "midgets" prefer to be called little people and KA called them Peeps. It was a funny episode. And no they don't all look the same and I don't think they are all actors.
There is one little person Verne I think his name is he is mini me from the austin powers flicks and made a bundle in apple computer spots.
No idea about life span. Google Webster, and Gary Coleman for some information on Little People. Perhaps that will help.

Anonymous said...

One time Dora Lee Mervin fell into a hole with one of them midgets over at lou's and just about had her end. Now we don't know what kind of shine she was sipping but we do know we was all real, real scarred for her.

Anonymous said...

Giant mutant foreigner...post a picture for us of your giagantic-ness.

dumas said...

err anon isn't the point of this blog that it's anonumous? stop asking stupid questions.
yeah max post a PIC! POST A PIC!

Max said...

Max is about words. No pictures will be posted.

Anonymous said...

Ok then give us a description of the Giant Godess so we can paint a 'picture' in our minds!!

Max said...

Who said anything about "giant"?

Confession: Max's height is 158 cm.

Anonymous said...

No...talking about Celinka! She said she was 6'

Max said...

Oh shit - just shows that I expect to always be the centre of attention.

Warning: Celinka = the Mad Canadian

Anonymous said...

Well you are still...but DD has spilled the beans on you - I've seen a pic.

And 'mad' as in angry...or as in looney?

Max said...

Thanks, Anon.

...but DD said he no longer had any photos.

"Mad" as in Mad as a Fish. Not angry (usually), not actually loony, just wild and uninhibited, really. And rather sweet, but that's beside the point.

Anonymous said...

and...?

Max said...

Celinko, I think there is a man in Denver who wants to meet you.

Anonymous said...

Yeah and it is DD. He is using me as his muse...

AG said...

You guys need a life!

I was out having fun tonight.

Knottyboy said...

Do you remember when we were waiting for the tram after our little walk from brunch on that Sunday when I was there? When the monkey went a bit pear-shaped over a midget at the tram stop. I've never seen him freak out like that before.
k

Max said...

Yes, Knotty, I remember. Monkey does not like midgets at all. It's quite funny, really.

AG, don't judge bloggers. When you were out having fun last night, you drunk, they were at work. Remember the time difference, please.

Anon, DD is using you as his muse or as his ruse?

AG said...

All the more reason for them to not be blogging - they're being paid to WORK (remember Maynard G. Crebbs, anyone?).

Anonymous said...

Nice rhyme Max! Muse only...I am off the market for life.

DD however...has mad kung fu skills, stays in shape, all around nice guy...give him a chance!

Max said...

Anon, I think some clarification is needed here.

Muse: any of the nine sister goddesses in Greek mythology who were the patrons of the arts and sciences;
or a source of inspiration, esp for a creative artist;
or a woman who is a source of inspiration to a creative artist, esp a poet.

Ruse: a wily subterfuge.

Now, which of these are you for DD? And may I ask you to please explain your answer.

And "off the market for life" - what does that mean and why?

As for DD, I think I may be his most loyal fan.

Anonymous said...

Sorry...hopped up on muscle relaxants at the moment..slurring words here at 'the shop' and having a hard time forming a clear thought (not that I ever really do).

To your comments...I am a muse/ruse. I inspire DD as well as do his bidding in the blog world.

Reason...simple, help a brother out!

Off the market for life = happily married.

Any other questions I can answer while in cloud city..?

Anonymous said...

(this is rtm. I used it once, then forgot my password)
I am also midget-friendly, although they don't appreciate that moniker I'm told. One of my students is also a champion of the little people. During an exercise practicing conditional tenses this morning, Josef, a high-ranking MoD man, had quite an interesting answer to this qusetion: 'If you could watch only one film again in your life, what would it be?'
"Pornographic Disney," he said. I couldn't resist a few follow-up questions here. Turns out he was referring to 'Snow White'. I was not, however, able to ascertain whether such a film exists, and if he has seen it. But I'm sure they're out there.
But Max I need to see this DVD.
My friend Doug Stanhope is a semi-famous comedian who also has a predilection for minis. His website is fascinating, which he blogs on regularly. Last I heard he has decided to quit everything and just go...[www.dougstanhope.com]

Max said...

Super Anon

Why muscle relaxants? Have you had a body-building accident?

A muse and a ruse - fascinating.

Happily married? Wow, and I was thinking the opposite, i.e. off the market for life due to extreme disillusion with the frightening prospect of ever again starting any sort of relationship. But that would just be me projecting my own psychoses onto you.

Max said...

rtm!!

I am sure there is a porn version of Snow White but I think I might find it disturbing.

And the dvd you need to see - do you mean "Little Britain"? Come over whenever you want. But I don't have porn Snow White if that is what you were referring to.

I shall look at Doug's website just now.

Anonymous said...

No on the body building accident but bummed because I can't use my new v-bar until the back heals...

Sorry about your psychoses...do tell.

And can someone actually be a 'ruse'...I thought a ruse was more of an event or action?

Sinister Steve said...

Anon,

If you cheated on your wife with a midget would it count since they are only half a person?

Anonymous said...

Hmmm...very good question. So it would be kind of like going half way, right?

sinister steve said...

i think they would have to pull the little rascals stut of getting on each others shoulders and wearing a trench coat before it would be full-blown cheating.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Max said...

Anon, of course someone can act as a ruse.

Re my psychoses (perhaps not the right word, but the best I could come up with at the time) - I am simply not very good at relationships. I ran thousands of miles from my first engagement (from Edinburgh back to LA) and later did my part to make a mess of a marriage.

I am in absolute awe of people that are able to sustain truly happy marriages.

Celinka D said...

Denver hey? Well if dude speaks french and doesn't mind extreme weather then we shall see...Tu veux devenir mon coco de la coquette de max? a blah blah oui je va...
I am too woman for ya 6 foot long blonde hair and an attitude and brains that will blow you out of denver baby *wink* can you handle it?
and no I never get angry anymore...I am mad as in FUN! with a capital F.
man I wish I could use my giving the finger smiley I found on the Owen Wilson site. damn it!

coquette said...

Max, don't say that about not being good at relationships. You havn't found the right person or never chose the right people. It takes two and from what I know you are a damn great person. I don't need to tell you details and specially not on this blog. chin up lovey! One day he'll come around...the man I love...and when he comes..... Ella Fitzgerald....

Anonymous said...

my matchmaking work is done here...I will let DD and the Canadian Giant work it out from this point forward. Good luck to both of you!!!!

Max said...

Thanks, Coquette, whoever you are. Lovely words, and rather mysterious.

coquette said...

gotcha! giggle giggle....