Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Adventures in Body Piercing

Today I received a text message on my mobile phone from Danny. Danny is one of the people I have known in Prague forever, one of the ex-pat crowd that you can find in a bar any day of the week. This is the message, which is promoting his latest business venture:

Gentlemen, the [***-*****] strip boat is setting sail this Sunday at 3 pm, this is intended for friends and to get a little support. The trip will last 2 hours, feature 6 strippers, 3 beers included in the price and have a lesbo finale. Price 1000 CZK. Be great to see you all and if you bring a friend you drink for free. Please sms back and I'll reserve your place. Danny, the [***-*****] Strip Boat

(*Editing note: I had to remove the name of the boat from my text because I was told yesterday (21 May) that my blog had shown up when a friend googled the boat. I don't really need that.)

No story about Danny is finished until I get to the part where he, James and I tried to go for body piercings together. It all started at a Canada Day celebration which was bloody boring (too many Canadians) so we decided to go for piercings instead. We discussed body parts and, while the boys settled on their nipples, I decided that the only appropriate place for a piercing would be my labia. The lads only wanted to know if they could watch.

You always see tattoo/piercing places when you don’t need one, but suddenly at 9.30 on a Monday night they all seemed to be closed. We must have visited 4 or 5 when I finally called directory enquiries for help.

I need the number for a tattoo place.

Which tattoo place?

I don’t know, that’s why I’m calling you.

This is directory enquiries. You need to give us a name and then we give you a number. That’s how it works.

I don’t have a name, that’s the problem. You have a whole list. Just give me one.

We went on like that for a bit until she finally gave me a number. The place was open. We called a cab, but just then, right when we were about to accomplish our mission, Danny and James’ girlfriends found us and took them away. You see, while Danny had been ignoring his girlfriend’s calls for hours, James had been talking to his girlfriend and telling her where we were every step of the way.

As getting your hoo-hoo pierced is no fun on your own, I went to drink beer with Jono and Charlie instead.


Anonymous said...

Tell Danny his maple syrup pants are all syrupy because I miss his dirty nymphy humour...

Good thing you passed on the peirceing ouch! I am contemplating my belly now that I lost the weight I gained from Czech Beer...

bises de Las Vegas

Celinka Dionova

Devastatin' Dave said...

Pierce the labia
Hoo hoo with jewelry adorned
Ouch! That's gotta hurt.

Monkey's Max said...

DD, what would hurt? I have a suspicion you are not talking about the pain of the piercing.

Murphy said...

A response for DD's haiku:

Back out of piercing
We don't care about it Max
Go tell someone else

Devastatin' Dave said...


No I'm talking about the pain of piercing private parts. It's gotta sting.

Monkey's Max said...

DD, my fault for being slow; I hadn't even realised it was a haiku. Hence not recognising the poetic meaning and all that. I still don't know if it hurts or not. Maybe someday...

Anonymous said...

What if it gets stuck on someone wohoo or rips off...ouch!!!!!!! that is if you get your clit pearced.

from las vegas

Monkey's Max said...

Vegas baby,
Some things are too sacred to be pierced.