Saturday, May 14, 2005

Mad Max

I have been asked off-blog why my big sister had pissed me off the night before her wedding, and why I had a gun in my handbag that night. Here is the rest of that story:

Jono had travelled with me from Prague to LA and was my guest for the duration of our stay. My sister had said that he was welcome at the wedding, which was on a Sunday morning, and of course my parents had said that he was welcome for anything we did as a family. But Sister and her new husband were hosting the dinner on Saturday night, and Sister was adamant that it must be family only. She said that if Jono were my “boyfriend” then he would be welcome, but not otherwise. Jono and I were both annoyed at the prospect of being required to define our relationship for someone else. Sister and I argued about it for days and, while everyone else thought Sister was being stupid, no one would get in the middle. So in the end, Jono went out with a friend that night, and I was driven to the restaurant, in a foul mood but looking great, by little brother-in-law and little sister.

It was LA so the restaurant had only valet parking. "Daryl" said he was not going to have the car valet parked and we drove around the block. There was no parking anywhere and, after our 3rd trip round and many questions, "Daryl" finally admitted that the reason he would not valet park was that he had a gun in the car. I was carrying a very large handbag that night and so I offered to hold the gun. I have no idea what kind of gun it was, I know only that it was a handgun, it was large and heavy, and the weight of it felt very good on my shoulder as the three of us walked into the restaurant.

Family gatherings are hard for me, and I always take refuge in little sister and brother-in-law, with whom I am very close. We were the last to arrive. There was one big square table for the 16 of us, and the remaining 3 spaces were not all together. Big Sister meanly and stubbornly refused to have anyone move for us. I thought about the gun in my bag. "Daryl" very sweetly went to the single space to allow me to sit with little sister. And you know the rest of the story already.


Anonymous said...

We was over at church one sunday when the preacher man brought in his snake. We all thought we was going to die! Right there! Nobody died but it was real scary.

Anonymous said...

Thelma you are just trash. I seen you.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for clearing that up honey. So why do American's feel the need to carry a gun? Lilke what, if someone gatecrashed the wedding he would take back the gun and shoot them? Why all this fear? I never got it. THe statistics show that most people who carry guns or keep them at home are hurt by their own guns due to misuse or their kid finding it and playing with it. If someone steals your car or breaks in your house wihtout threatening your life, shooting this person can counteract and get YOU in trouble. Dumbasses.

Monkey's Max said...

Funny you should call me Pearl. JP calls me Pearl because of my birthday. Yes, I do know who, you weird Canadienne.

I hope "Daryl" will come back and answer your question. I think it has something to do with living in Oregon and having to kill deer after you hit them with your big ass SUV.

Anonymous said...

Ok I asked two AmericanS that I recently met whether or not they carry guns. Mr. Statton Island said no he does not carry. And the other person, a blur from a drunken night of debauchery (yes here in Canada, I drink everyone under the table!)said they do not carry a gun.

I am well aware that not ALL AmericanS carry, but the ones that do should be careful as to not accidently blow their small cocks off .