Wednesday, May 04, 2005

My Theory on Canadians

I have developed a theory on Canadians: they are all either completely boring or absolutely mad. Think about the Canadians you know, and you will realise that I am right.

Examples of boring Canadians:
1. Mullet-haired Brian who used to live in Ústí nad Labem where he taught English at a secondary school and dated 16-year olds as he was incapable of conversation with adults because he was too boring.
2. That other Canadian that used to sometimes drink at Jáma years ago; he was so boring I can’t even remember his name.

Examples of mad Canadians:
1. Celinka, aka the Mad Canadian, who enjoys nothing more than making a spectacle of herself in public. She picked a fight with Henry Rollins once and they have been pen-pals ever since. Mad as a fish.
2. Velká Laura, whose hobbies include crushing beer cans between her breasts, shacking up with rock stars for a week at a time, and travelling to Ireland for sex because she finds Canadian men boring. Mad as a fish.

1. Rob is neither boring nor mad, however Rob is not really Canadian. He was born in Slovakia and his family only moved to Canada when he was 4.
2. Therefore there are no exceptions.


Tits Malone said...

absolutely true!!! Now that I think about it are 100% right! Remember Peter Mitchel? The one that was living in Teplice with Brian Santa Barbara? No? Because he was boring and could not get his dick wet in a field of pussy...I am not being mean...just truthful...But do you notice that it is the majority of mad Canadians are in fact women?? It is the Canadian women who are mostly crazy ... That is the Canadian women's tragedy...we are all horny but the Canadian men are too bloody boring! That is why we have to throw ourselves out in the world to make sure we get fucked properly before our tits hit the floor.

Monkey's Max said...

Thanks for that rant, VL/tm. Like I said, mad as a fish. I rest my case.

Anonymous said...

You are absolutely right monkey"s max. Most Canadian men I meet here in fricken freezing Canada are boring as shit.
Tit's Malone and I had a gang meeting and many email conferences on this topic. So if you want my take on this please refer to Tit's Malone's comments.
The reason myself and Tit's are crazy as fish is because we actually left Canada and took advantage that there is actually a whole world out there with many hot gorgeous crazy fun interesting men and therefore yes perhaps we are particularly very picky and demanding little nymphette bitches, but so be it.

French kiss

Celinka Dionova

Monkey's Max said...

But then you both went back to Canada, eh?