Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Rantings inspired by a heterosexual man

I shall call him “Steve” because he needs a fictional name and I quite like the idea of naming him after rtm’s cat.

Steve was a big score for me, mostly because he was:
1. age appropriate;
2. heterosexual; and
3. not currently married.
I have a hard time managing all three of these elements at once. Steve had additional positive qualities but they are now, unfortunately, a moot point.

Steve at first said lovely things to me like:
“I have fancied you since the first time I saw you,” and
“Do you realise how incredibly sexy you are?”
- you know, things a woman appreciates hearing over and over again.

Later Steve said, “I know I am being incredibly stupid in turning down a nearly perfect package, but I do not want a relationship right now.”

I had, and still have, two problems with that statement:
1. What did he mean by “nearly” perfect?
2. Why do men always assume that a woman wants to dive straight into a relationship?


AN OPEN MESSAGE TO ALL MEN IN GENERAL AND NO MAN IN PARTICULAR:

• just because you may be handsome enough to attract a woman, or

• entertaining enough to make a woman laugh, or

• intelligent enough to engage a woman in conversation, or

• capable of fucking a woman with some degree of skill,

IT DOES NOT THEREFORE FOLLOW THAT A WOMAN WILL IMMEDIATELY WANT TO POSSESS YOU FOREVER.

GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK AND GET OVER YOURSELVES.

7 comments:

Dave said...

So "Steve" is a heterosexual even though he engages in "the love that dare not speak it's name"?

Max said...

DD, what are you on about? Have you not realised that I am a girl? A real one: the kind with breasts etc. I will ask Monkey to send you a photograph.

Dave said...

No, I haven't realised that, in spite of me efforts. I wanna see pics with breasteses and a hoo-hoo dilly.

Max said...

DD, Monkey said that you are really sharp but I have never been mistaken for a gay man before.

I have asked Monkey to send you a photograph.

You say 'breasteses' just like Monkey, but where did you learn 'hoo-hoo'? That is what I say, when I am not using more vulgar terms, that is.

Dave said...

First, I apologize for the gender mixup. Now I can offend in an appropriate manner.

I think I got hoo-hoo dilly from South Park.

Tits Malone said...

If you think your rant of hetero-men is bad...try dealing with the stupidity and Canadian at the same time....and you wonder why I fly over the Atlantic for sex??

Tits Malone

Celinka Dionova said...

You forgot:

Never pull out your blackberry and begin to punch the buttons in order to show us much money you are worth. That is just tasteless. Besides I know much you are worth, I picked the place remember?