Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Wednesday Morning Diary of a Drunk

Wake up, look at clock: 6.24 - excellent, another hour to go. Ouch, head hurts. Why does my chest feel like I smoked last night? Remembering: I was drunk and I smoked. Okay, I can handle that. Fall asleep again. Wake up again, remembering things from dreams. Imagine self reaching for notebook but can’t quite muster the effort. Reach for phone: text message from Monkey – feel better. Remember posting very stupid comment to blog while drunk – feel worse. Manage to dig notebook out of handbag on floor at foot of bed, write stuff down. Sink back into pillows. Alarm goes off, hit snooze. Get up before alarm goes off again.

Bathroom, shower, etc. Mess up routine by getting online to delete stupid comment, hoping that no one has read it. Realise going to be late to work, don’t care. Notice that bra smells like cannabis because of placement of said substance in wardrobe. Throw substance in with shoes. While putting on eye make-up, realise forgot moisturiser. Finish putting on eye make-up, then attempt to moisturise without smudging make-up. I hate when I do things in the wrong order.

Walk to work, sunglasses on in spite of clouds. See woman with two small children, wonder if being a mom would be better than being a drunk. Quickly decide that no, it would not. Think of the famous Dean Martin line: “I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and that's the best they're going to feel all day.”


knottyboy said...

Sweetheart if you were a mother you would never STOP drinking. You would probably sterlize the nipples of bottles brimming with gin so the little fuckers would stay asleep so you could pop into your fave cafe for a catch up with friends. Or a quick pivo in the Dutch Bar. Nope parenthood seems to be something that eludes the very smart and popular :)

Monkey's Max said...

Darling, you flatter me. At least I think you flatter me.

Anonymous said...

Well, damn. I just found out I am no longer "very smart" or "popular". Shite.

Fuck it.

I always preferred to be shockingly intelligent and look fabulous. You single people can keep popular, ha ha. Who has time for that when you are having fun...? ;)

-luv stephy

Monkey's Max said...

Sweetie, you are very smart and popular. That parenthood thing was a fluke. It's not your fault they don't recognise fabulous in Texas.

Am I flirting with you too?

Come back to Praha where you belong.


Anonymous said...

Baby, I am too cool for just one town.

You better be flirting with me!!!!